Day 5

Today was day 5 at Skib. I rode Tots on Wednesday and she was phenominal. Lots of horses in the ring, she was totally calm, but always trying to get a glimpse of what is going on EVERYWHERE around her. She cantered alright, but definitely went FLYING up the long side (Skib's ring is much bigger than our ring at home) we did a lot of circles and she did a lot of fighting me, but it was ok because thats just where we are right now.

Yesterday I had my first lesson with my trainer. I was very nervous. I love my trainer, I have ridden with her for 7 years and I have worked for her for 3 years, but for whatever stupid reason in my head I am totally intimidated. I think it is because I have so much respect for her. I was so scared that she wasn't going to like Taters, or realize how much I suck now that I haven't taken lessons with any sort of regularity for 2 years (not that I didn't suck when I was taking lessons regularly). So anyway needless to say Taters and I both sucked, because I was having tons of anxiety about sucking. Riding is all about what is going on up in your head and my head was MESSED UP.

Any who, I don't think she disliked her, but I do think she was thrown off by how bad I was. I didn't even release over some of the crossrails. Like, seriously WTF is wrong with me? Obviously I am not an idiot. Obviously I know what I should be doing. Taters and I are already jumping 6' in the olympics in my dreams, so I can totally envision how jumping her is supposed to work- I just couldn't make the mind-body connection. Needless to say my trainer seemed less than impressed and not at all enthused about how the summer was going to go.

Then, of course, I get on my Tots today and what happens? She is perfect. She was great, she was bending, she was listening, she was my Tots that I love more than anything. Until I noticed my trainer pull up in her golf cart...then I got all nervous again and couldn't even steer and almost rammed into a fence. Yes, that really happened. I seriously don't know what my problem is, but I need to figure it out because it is going to be a long summer of sucky riding if I am going to freak out every time someone watches me. I need to learn how to relax and just RIDE.